Obviously, my cellphone number has gotten onto one of those lists of potential victims that scammers circulate. I’m not sure why, because I almost never respond to text messages from unknown numbers, and I have so far not fallen for any scam, whether conveyed via email (all those hidden millions in African bank accounts!) or text. There are many scams circulating by text, including warnings about your non-payment of tolls or parking fines you never incurred, the mysterious package heading for you but trapped at the border because it has the wrong postal code, the Interac transfer or tax refund you didn’t know you were getting, etc.
I’m pleased to report the birth of a new form of creative writing, somewhere between epigram and fiction, practiced by these amateur fraudsters: I’ll call it the Text Trap. It works like this: you get a brief text message from an unknown number, usually appearing to originate from some unlikely place you have no connection with. The message often is phrased as if you already know the person or company sending it.
The art of the Text Trap is to write something innocuous that sounds genuine, with the intent of goading you into replying that they must have the wrong number, or person. That begins a conversation in which the fraudster then tries to build a relationship and lead you into the trap — whether it’s a great crypto investment, a grandchild being held in jail who can only be bailed out with gift cards, a digital romance with a sweet young thing with model-quality photos, who in reality is some guy named Yuri in his mother’s basement in Moscow, etc.
Let’s look at some efforts at this new form of creative writing — at times a kind of compressed, prosaic haiku — I’ve received recently.
First, the Super-Polite Yet Vague Come-on. I wonder if this is a special variety for the Canadian market, as I’ve got a couple of these. Here’s one from the Ottawa area: “Excuse me, may I know if you have a spare moment?” I was tempted to reply “Sure, but I charge $100 per spare moment. How would you like to pay?”, but I didn’t.
From the 905 area surrounding Toronto, an entry in the Cooking Reality Show category: “Would you like to learn some dessert plating skills tomorrow?” I don’t plate ‘em, I just eat ‘em.
From the Windy City, Chicago, comes this masterfully concise effort: “Hello.” Goodbye.
In the employment field, I was pleased to receive this from an Eastern Quebec number: “Hello, I’m Kylie. Would you be available for weekend shift?” This was a nice surprise as I’ve been retired for several years now, and available for all shifts.
And —- the Exciting Job Offer! Rather long for a Text Trap, this one (from an email address at myself.com), starts off: “Hello, my name is Sofia, we came across your profile through several online recruitment platforms and were impressed by your background and experience, we’re currently offering a flexible part-time opportunity that you can work on in your free time. we’ll provide free training to get you started. The daily salary ranges from $285 CAD to $4281 CAD…” After more of this, it asks me to respond via WhatsApp. Unfortunately, my religion prohibits me from working with people who communicate in run-on sentences.
Find these too bland to be truly enticing? Here’s a recent one with dramatic overtones of either military escapades or a Star Trek episode: “Commander, we have contact.” While I’m grateful for the promotion, I’m avoiding contact lately.
Now, a more formal effort from the Calgary area, showing mastery of the Escalating Text Chain method:
“When will you come to my house for dinner? What should I cook for you?
Why don't you reply to me? Are you busy?
Nora, are you busy?”
I’m no Nora. Of course, it is within the realm of possibility that this sender simply has a wrong number, but I smell scam more than I smell dinner.
Speaking of that evening repast, here’s one from a number belonging to “Lonesome in Guelph, ON”: “I miss you, come to my house for dinner tonight?”
Now, from area code 410, in Maryland, the celebration for a family I don’t have: “I bought an Iphone15 pm yesterday and planned to surprise Alina's birthday, will we go together tomorrow?” I do like the idea of “surprising” a birthday, though.
What’s your favourite Text Trap effort? Mention it in a comment below.
Like what you’re reading? You can caffeinate my continuing production this way.
You live a most exciting life, John. I think my text spam protection blocks a lot of these.
It takes a special frame of mind to categorize these attempts as 'creative writing' and to uncover the funny aspect of it all. Personally I was more attracted to the 'millions' in some of the messages, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. At least for now...:o).